Oddess Bites: Fake Ums and Tater Crowns

Occasionally I shall post bits about cooking.  Mostly it will be tips and tricks on horrible foods.  I would love to say that I always serve my family organic so and so's & farm fresh meats, dairy and eggs.  Not so much my reality folks.  Sometimes it's not gelivery, it's GiDorno Pizza.

In this quick installment, I shall instruct you on how to make fake-um sandwiches without fully clogging your arteries.  Just partially.  I will also let you in on the secret of why mommy's tater crowns are so much better than daddy's.

So, fake-ums.  No brand names here, my friend.  Grab the frozen steak wafers of your choice and cook them.  Then, to make them slightly less gross (because let's face it; they are yummy but they didn't exactly present you with fine dining grade carpaccio in that cardboard box) flip the pan full of fake steak into a screen drainer like this:

Mash meat product with spatula several times to de-grease it.  Chuck it back in the pan and stick it back on the still hot-but off burner.  Add your whiz or provolone and mash once more with a spatula.  Stick on bun and enjoy.

Now onto my tater crown trick.  It's really quite simple but makes a huge difference.  Spray baking sheet with olive oil spray.  Chuck tater product on the tray as directed.  Then spray tops of taters with oil.  Bake for 2 minutes longer than the suggested time.  Salt as soon as you pull the pan out.  Voila!  They're as crispy as Zonic tots.  You know the fast food place, Zonic?  That's right kids, there will be no litigation on the Oddess.