Thursday, July 1, 2010
I did it all for the dooky, wha? the dooky, wha? so you can take that poopy and...
Okay, I won't go any further with my destruction of an already annoying song... but the main point is poo. Abundance, lack there of, varieties... A year ago I never would have guessed that I would have to be so obsessed with stinkies.
So what, you may ask, has prompted this sudden pontification on the dark and gooey? My poor son's belly likes to take a vacation about once a month. Sure its worry-some in and of itself, but it really bugs him. And as you know, what bugs the baby is sure to frazzle the parents. He's been a cranky, farty mess. Unfortunately, the hiatus of function for 2-4 days is accompanied by very unpredictable behavior. It goes something like this:
"I'm happy, I'm playing, I'm smiling... I'm happy, I'm playing, I'm sm...AAAAARRRRHHHHHHHHHHHH! EEEEEEEEAHHHHH! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The worst part is that you can see in his little face that he's p-o'd that I'm not fixing the owie. So I jiggle jiggle, pat pat... carry him with his belly over my arm, lay him down and bicycle his legs. All to no avail. I find myself praying for poo. "Please, let the little guy poop. I don't care if it ends up all over his car seat, or his swing, or upside a wall... just open the flood gates!"
Eventually, he always accomplishes his goal. Which would be to shoot mom while she's changing his diaper. I swear, the kid will go through a lot of ouchie time just to save it up for shot at mom. It's like punk'd for babies.
On the abundance end, and how poo becomes a family affair, there's poor Roscoe. He's such a great little guy... and very happy to finally have a yard. But HIS potty time is ALSO at the mercy of the little man. Roscoe always seems to go to the door just as I'm sitting down to feed Alex or to pump, which for those uninitiated souls, is not something easily interrupted. And then there's the "am I neglecting my dog to the point of damage" factor. I find myself racking my brain to remember if he's gone, when, how many times. Ew.
I know poo in it's many forms is part of the job, and just like out of the home employees have parts of their job they don't want to have to deal with. However in a competition against -oh lets say- sales cold calling, piles of files or having to schedule your boss' colonoscopy (more poo humor!), I win.
I still have the better job over all though, no ifs ands or butts.